Book Review: Talking to Crazy: How to Deal with the Irrational and Impossible People in Your Life 

Who Even Is This Guy? 

Mark Goulston wasn’t just some guy who woke up with an idea about how to get people to listen. Mark Goulston was a psychiatrist with psychiatrist with somewhat of a celebrity status: not only was he a psychiatrist, he was also an executive coach and a consultant for various Fortune 500 companies. Goulston came up with the idea of “Surgical Empathy” which is used to get through to those who are experiencing suicidal ideation. He wrote another book titled, Just Listen which received a ton of praise and even reached best-seller status in multiple countries. If you haven’t been able to guess it, Goulston had a lot of experience doing one thing: listening—and believe it or not, that’s a big part of talking to crazy. 

Sanity Cycle? 

It goes something like this:  

1- See that the other person is acting crazy (this might not be too difficult). 

2- Identify the other person’s M.O. 

3- Deal with your own crazy. 

4- Go to the other person’s crazy. 

5- Show that you are not a threat. 

6. Move the person to a saner place. 

Easy as pie, right? Don’t worry, Talking to Crazy will take you through each step and explain everything in detail. The cliff notes are that the sanity cycle is a form of radical empathy and listening. Talking to Crazy teaches you how to respond to someone else’s crazy without going insane yourself. It focuses on identifying what’s really going on with that person, remaining calm, and guiding the conversation to a saner place. 

It’s Easier Said than Done 

It’s not easy to talk to someone who’s “acting crazy” especially if acting crazy isn’t a euphemism for being angry and you mean that the person is behaving in a legitimately unpredictable way. If you’re going through divorce, talking to crazy might be something you do a lot—especially if your ex is trying to make the divorce process as long, expensive, and difficult as possible.  Talking to Crazy isn’t a book that’s made to help you win debates, settle the score, and get what you want. It is, however, a book that’s designed to help you find peace when you need it the very most from people who seem to want the impossible. 

Nobody Said Listening to Nonsense Is Easy 

If you know anything about Mark Goulston’s career, you know that he was all about listening. In fact, one of his best books was called Just Listen! Discover the Secret to Getting through to Absolutely Anyone. A key part of Mark Goulston’s Surgical Empathy was what he referred to as the five reallys. He’d ask patients, “I understand that, but what’s really going on?” Goulston said that once you did that five times, the patient is able to tell you the heart of the issue. Don’t rush to give them advice or fix the problem. Just listen. This isn’t easy by any stretch of the word. Remaining firm and cool under pressure is extremely difficult. And being asked to just sit there while someone rages at you is a monumental ask—one that shouldn’t ever be demanded.  However, if you’ve got a difficult-to-deal with person in your life, Talking to Crazy may offer techniques that can help you get through to them, or anyone else for that matter. 

Worth a Read? 

Talking to Crazy is definitely worth a read if you are struggling to get through to someone, especially if you must see them on a regular basis and interact with them. This book is fantastic for those who have a tendency to attempt to debate with others or get them to see their side when, in reality, they just need to be listened to. If you’re thinking that your radical listening skills could be tuned up a bit, Talking to Crazy is a great place to start.